Books

Books

You never forget your first book. But the rest of the world sure does. Recently its Amazon sales rank was 1,067,105. Here are some representative titles that are selling better than my book:

#1,065,496
A History of the Wabash Railroad Company
by H. Roger Grant

#1,065,457
A Guide to Running Productive Community Association Board Meetings
by M. J. Keatts

#1,065,277
Udderly Fantastic: A Pictorial Guide to the Pyroglazed or Painted Milk Bottle
by John Tutton

If that isn't humbling...

Woo hoo... a sequel! Those publishers sure like the color red. My second book hit the shelves in a huge blaze of no publicity on Monday, September 10, 2001. If the world cared at all about it on Monday, it sure as hell didn't by Tuesday. Its latest Amazon sales rank was 2,047,029. Here are a few of the millions (literally) of books that are outselling me:

#2,046,298
Making the Most of Foreign Prison
by Mack Dryden

#2,042,773
The Horse: The Foot, Shoeing and Lameness
by Julie Brega

#2,042,348
Multicriteria Analysis for Land-Use Management
by Euro Beinat

Foiled by America's obsession with efficient land-use management!

I had a humor piece published in this anthology, a comparative best-seller. Its recent Amazon sales rank: 215,132. Here's a sampling of the books that are beating it:

#210,040
How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times a Day. Mararkey? Or Effective Way?
by Hiroyuki Nishigaki

#193,736
Turtles, Tortoises and Terrapins: Survivors in Armor
by Ronald Orenstein

#56,352:
A Collector's Encyclopedia of American Dinnerware
by Jo Cunningham

I am not making these up.

I've got twenty entries in this joke collection, compiled by Judy Brown, but the book will probably never see the light of day since a lawsuit by Jay Leno is holding up its publication.